For the passed six months I have begun to learn about the early stages of
Meditation and Astro projection.
I've made the decision to dip into this world , for my own inner p e a c e.
There are a lot of things that I've continued to hold on to in my life.
Things that I can't seem to shake from my past.
Einstein says, the only way to make a change in yourself; is to change what you're doing.
I know a lot of what I've been doing; is building myself as a person, but spiritually I've felt lost.
I feel like as a writer, it's natural for you to have to open up deeper parts of yourself through an expression of w o r d s. So I'm going to get a little deep for a moment and talk about some inner anger I've held on to in my life.
My [M O T H E R] although I feel using that term isn't appropriate for what she ACTUALLY is to me.
I used to hide in my closet from her at night, I'd pray to God that some how the age of 18 would come magically fast, or maybe she'd finally just let me go live with my Dad.
I think about it a lot, why it is she kept me.
I don't think it was ever for the right reasons.
She put me down whenever I would begin to shine.
She went from being really happy and excited, to all of a sudden angry and aggressive.
The odd part is, a lot of people with a similar story seem to have something to blame it on. Whether their parent had a problem with alcohol or maybe it drugs that caused them to be a certain way.
But my Mother was her mistakes were solely by c h o i c e.
Do you want to know what TRULY scared me the most about her???
It wasn't her random acts of pure violence...
Or her hateful word...
Or her ability to always act like she is the victim in any situation..
No, it was none of those things.
What I was truly afraid of was the possibility of ever becoming ANYTHING like her.
Time and time again I forgive my Mother for her hateful outbursts she unleashes on me.
But I can't shake this feeling that I could actually take on any of her characteristics'.
So I made a choice.
The only way to avoid ever becoming like her..
was to find p e a c e.
This means that I need to let go of all of the things that have happened to me and all of the mistakes that I have made that have effected other people.
By me holding on to all of those things, it really just sets me up in becoming the type of person I'm trying to avoid.
Back to what I said earlier, the only way to make a change in myself is to change what I am doing.
So after doing research and learning more about this experience, as well receiving this kit from a vert special person... I've begun to do a 30 day Meditation challenge.
I'm beginning this by listening to the F I R S T track for Thirty minutes a day for 14 days
Afterward, I will start the S E C O N D track and increase it to 1 hour for another 30 days.
The beauty of this structure is that by using these specific headphones, the beats coming through on the track actually adjust brain waves almost forcing me to get into this state of relaxation and begin to actually mediate.
So people with my problem...what we call { A D D } that have a tough time with this because they cannot seem to slow their brain down, get a positive experience from this.
I'm told that by the end of this challenge, I will understand exactly who I am as a person.
I will feel inner peace and have a much more fulfilled happy life.
Naturally as a writer, I feel I should share my experience.
Here G O E S ....
Day ONE
*{Awakening Prologue}*
I sat down in the upright position in my chair in a silent room
I put on my Skull Candy Slasher large-set head phones
I closed my eyes.
At first, I had a hard time not thinking about
20938298 different things.
But slowly I began to notice the way my thoughts would divert into a specific sound that I could hear on this track.
I started to feel euphoria
I started to be able to feel all of these different
senses in my body.
My hands and feet started to tingle and I felt really calm..
Those thirty minutes went by very quickly and I finished with a heightened sense of what I was feeling
So far... so good.
I'll keep documenting
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